Never rule yourself out!

I remember how lost I felt. University had just finished and everyone around me instinctively transitioned onto the next chapter of their lives. Meanwhile, I struggled to flip the pages, and even when I did, they were simply blank. Almost by accident, this opportunity found me.

Although I was passionate about nature, a career in conservation always seemed so out of reach that I’d never envisioned it as an option. I just couldn’t imagine the possibility of a serious conservation career for someone like me. This preconception nearly prevented me from applying. How tragic would that have been? It’s sad how many opportunities get missed because of us self-sabotaging ourselves and getting in our own way.

I’m glad I could overcome this self-inflicted mental barrier and gather the courage to take a chance. And personal growth happens in those moments we take chances.

Nature is for all

Having studied a totally unrelated subject at university, and possessing no substantial experience or knowledge of conservation, I was experiencing imposter syndrome long before the programme began. However, it was made clear to me from day one that this was a welcoming space where we all stood on equal ground built on our mutual appreciation for nature. The programme didn’t rule anyone out because of their educational background nor personal circumstances, reflecting the fundamental truth that nature is for everyone! It should be accessible to and enjoyable for all equally.

Unfortunately, this is not the case everywhere as many are deprived of this basic right. This early realisation gave me a huge boost of motivation and confidence for the weeks ahead. I was positively surprised by how willing people were to share their vast knowledge and connect with me, treating me with respect despite the fact that I was a newcomer. This helped me realise that that the most important thing in conservation is passion for nature – when people can see how passionate you are, experience and background become mere details that shouldn’t hold you back.

The importance of connecting with your surroundings

Imagine living in a neighbourhood your whole life and not knowing your neighbours. That was me. I used to think trees were ‘just trees’ or birds ‘just birds’, completely blind to their rich diversity and complexity. Species identification is one of the most eye-opening and valuable skills I learnt this year. Although I’ve walked down my street countless times, it had suddenly burst into life now. I could finally make sense of my surroundings and felt connected.

The human-made environment I was immersed in on a daily basis made more sense now that I understood the ‘real’ world encompassing it. Simple things such as learning about the etymology of names like Heathrow, the historical myths and usage of different plants and trees, or even the reason why pigeons only move out of the way at the very last second, helped me to appreciate and discern my surroundings better. I’m also able to engage with the natural world with all my senses now.

Recognising the bird singing outside my window by listening to its song, discerning a horse chestnut tree by feeling the stickiness of its bud, smelling a gorse when I crave coconut, or savouring the earthy flavour of wild garlic leaves when I get hungry during nature walks (this happens quite often actually). I find it shocking how we’re taught basically nothing about these ubiquitous and significant life forms we’re surrounded by and rely upon.

Learning about this diversity and complexity has made me realise there’s no need to venture very far to encounter fascinating nature because it’s absolutely everywhere – even in a city like London. Just step outside and you’ll meet an array of local wildlife with mind-blowing lifecycles, functions, and features.

You’re not alone in this

My sustainability journey was always a lonely one. Nature was not a priority where I grew up – we were encultured into idealising and craving materialistic objects and realities rather. It was never “cool” to care about nature – or even talk about it for that matter. This was especially the case as a guy trying to satisfy notions of masculinity that didn’t overlap with being a nature-lover.

In order to fit in, I therefore kept that part of me to myself and never overtly expressed it. However, the traineeship has shown me that there are plenty of others out there just like me. It has provided me with a solid support network, in the form of both the trust and my fellow trainees/new friends.

Not only are they some of the coolest people I’ve met, but they also showed me how loving nature is cool as well. I now know I’m not alone in this. It was a breath of fresh air to meet them and relate to them over our shared struggles. These are conversations I no longer need to be having with just myself. Knowing there are others walking this path alongside me makes a world of a difference.

Back yourself

As I mentioned earlier, I had zero confidence in my ability to work in conservation. And prolonged periods of isolation amidst the pandemic had increased my social anxiety while debilitating my confidence. Since the start, we were involved in activities that pushed us outside our comfort zone. This included creating social media content, participating in leadership and public speaking workshops, co-leading volunteer days, engaging the public, facilitating events, and constantly meeting new people. I can’t describe the amount of fear, stress, and anxiety I experienced during this.

At the same time, however, I could feel myself progressively growing in confidence and gaining control over the fears that once crippled me. By the end of the traineeship, I was even confident enough to say out loud for the first time my long-term dream which I had been too afraid to share with others because I considered it impossible – becoming a wildlife filmmaker. Yes, even now it’s a daunting aspiration. However, having the courage to own your dreams, speak them into existence, and manifest the self-belief needed to carry you on the road to achieving them is the very first step of materialising goals. In that sense, I feel closer now, than ever before, to achieving my dreams. So, watch this space.

Be yourself

For as long as I can remember, I was under the illusion that in order to get somewhere in life and become someone, I needed to change myself. Change my behaviour, my accent, my appearance, my thoughts, my style, my everything. I spent countless hours trying to fight myself in this counterintuitive and counterproductive process, taking apart my very fabric and reconfiguring it such that it conforms to my perceived norms. This was a difficult and painful process, and was neither a sustainable nor healthy approach to life.

I now realise that these very things that I’ve been seeking to change are what makes me, me. They’re what set me apart from others and make me unique. I always undermined myself thinking why would anyone want to hear what I had to say? But the reality is, all of us have a unique voice and set of experiences since nature is experienced differently by different people, and there’s so much we can gain just listening to others’ perspectives on nature and comparing and integrating them into our own. Distinct voices only enrich one another; therefore, embracing and being ourselves is the best thing we can do.

Anyways, I never expected to learn and grow so much over such a short period of time. I’m ever grateful for all the new doors the traineeship has opened for me and the amazing people it has allowed me to meet. With these reflections in mind, I finally feel ready to embark onto the next chapter in my conservation journey. To be continued…